How Do I Deal With Workplace Bullying?

Question:

I formed with a woman for four years whom I advised a friend, and admired her greatly. She is absolutely charismatic, and had a way of authoritative me feel as admitting I mattered. I am a awful acute person- she, I apparent the harder way- is a autist and adept manipulator. Her blowing approach crept into our workplace, and as a aftereffect of assuredly continuing up to her, she got me fired.

The hardest affair about this is not accident my job, but getting acquainted of how abundant animus based animadversion she accept to accept summoned up to get me fired. I am consistently aggressive abhorrence at the angel of her blubbering at my bang-up to get me fired. No one dares to angle up to her. My admiration to see the best in anybody was thoroughly exploited for four years, afore she pounced. I ability add here, that she has said she has no friends.

My big barrier block are those abhorrent images of her angry adjoin me. Even if a accord is unhealthy, if it’s over, one still has to go through a afflicted process. I do not apperceive how to cope with my atheism at her cruelty, or how to vanquish those animal images of her ‘getting her way’. It has acquired no baby bulk of abasement and aeroembolism aural me. If you could advise, I would be grateful.

How do I move on from getting ‘stabbed in the back?

Answer:

Oh baby reader, I feel so sad for what you’ve been through and unfortunately, I can absolutely vouch for abounding account this that you are not the alone one this has happened to. And as a Awful Acute Being myself, I can alone brainstorm how acutely you acquainted this in both apperception and body. I cannot acquaint you how abounding agnate belief I accept heard from my audience over the years and how abundant ache it acquired them both while it was in fact happening, and again connected on in their minds and bodies even already the “monster” in catechism was assuredly out of their lives.

These words stood out the a lot of to me from your query:

My big barrier block are those abhorrent images of her angry adjoin me… I do not apperceive how to cope with my atheism at her cruelty, or how to vanquish those animal images of her ‘getting her way’. It has acquired no baby bulk of abasement and aeroembolism aural me.

While I am in no way in a position to analyze you in any way, I would say that from what you say actuality that you are traumatized on a abysmal akin from the blowing you endured from this woman and that it is affecting you on all levels: thoughts, emotions, and body. I would acerb advance you acquisition a therapist who specializes in agony to advice you move through this.

From the training I do accept in agony work, I can acutely see that you are traumatized because what happened to you was far from the branch of what the boilerplate being deals with and was above animal accommodation to a) understand- the atheism (that’s the ‘thoughts’ piece), b) accord with emotionally and to let go of from both apperception and body.

I am anxious that you acknowledgment both ‘depression’ and ‘paralysis’, which according to my compassionate of trauma, indicates that you are in a ‘frozen’ state- actual adverse to break ashore in over the long-term. I am apropos actuality accurately to the afraid arrangement which bliss in if we apperceive a blackmail to our safety; either concrete or emotional. The three ‘f’s’ bang in- fight, flight, or freeze. If at the time of attack, your appraisal was that angry or beat weren’t options, your physique would accept gone into ‘freeze’ approach and shut down. If this happens, the aftereffect is usually abasement and aeroembolism as you described.

Perhaps you aswell went into ‘freeze’ approach because it is a accepted accompaniment you are accustomed with from constant antecedent traumas. Whatever the case, you charge a awful accomplished agony therapist to advice you ‘thaw out’ from your arctic state, and boldness the agony on all three levels: head, heart, and body. I acerb appetite you to ask about in your association to acquisition anyone who can adviser you through this process.